Mod monday: is makeup body modification

Before the piercings, the scars, and all of the other little, more permanent procedures, makeup was my jam, or at least a bold, weird wing was. I experimented with fashion a lot too, and started to test a number of boundaries with my appearance at a really young age, beginning with a unique taste in clothing and when I was old enough, makeup for daily wear (in my opinion, at least). Thankfully for me, this happened before smartphones and much of it never got photographed, and what was has hopefully been lost over time. Honestly I’m surprised I got away with a lot of it, and that feeling even extends through more recent phases, but this is only about my makeup journey.

Back as a kid I was drawn to makeup, and experimented throughout my teens and on. My application techniques and looks never changed much when I began wearing makeup daily, though they did go through a few basic phases. My early odd looks involved improvising with coloured pens and markers, passing them off as makeup, not always picking the safest options. There weren’t any neat indie brands you could test out any product or tool you could think of through the internet at the palm of your hand back then. Seeing a cobalt liquid liner at the local drugstore was an exciting day. Now I can find NYX cosmetics at Shopper’s Drug Mart down the street from my apartment, with Sephora and a new MAC store just a short highway drive to a city nearby. Not that I really go to these stores in person. The internet is just so enabling for a recluse, and the options are so much broader.

My go to base in high school was always a ridiculous goth-like wing, and you weren’t allowed to call me a goth since apparently I didn’t identify as one. The look I chose to wear every single day and my favourite music genres definitely proved those haters were wrong. Nope. Not a goth kid.

I was the liquid liner queen. Of course these photos are from a stage where I’m modified already, but not that many photos exist from before then, at least none in my backups, and I progressed pretty quickly into body piercing from the big black wing. There are still a few shameful pre-high school and early high school shots of my makeup style and fashion sense still on my hard drive, however.

There were many strange eye looks and a few questionable fashion choices that remained with me throughout high school, but my style generally stayed the same. Bold eyes, intricate designs, wings, tears, lines, and even some fake blood here and there, rarely dabbling into making up any other part of my face. I even appeared to be a bit of a trendsetter among the other more bold, alternative looking kids in school, though I didn’t tend to associate with them much. There were a few occasions when I would see my look from the previous day attempted by another, which was flattering but I took offense to it back then. I was trying to do my own thing and I wanted it to be my own. There are no words to express the level of eyeroll I have while putting this together. I really hope other people feel like their previous selves are just incredibly dumb incarnations of who they are. It’s no wonder I put up with so much crap, and now I feel bad about making others put up with all of it. At least I’ve grown up since then… a little bit.

My early makeup goals were to look odd. It wasn’t about conventional beauty at all, but being all made up made me feel beautiful in its own way. Part of me liked looking scary and the attention it got, but it was mostly about looking different than everyone else, and maybe not exactly human. It made me feel confident. I was just never all that great with colour, and didn’t have the right supplies or skills at the time to make it as good as I envisioned (I did manage a few good looks here and there).  The majority of my artwork in general was also black and white or colourless then. It was my strong suit. But it didn’t keep me from occasionally experimenting and learning.

When I became lazy with makeup near the end of high school (or maybe just grew out of the goth panda eyes), the black lower lash line was my go-to, using liquid waterproof liner. A simpler version of my very first go-to look when I was 12 or 13, which only required an additional touch of slightly shimmery grey eyeshadow to help blend out the lower lash line for added effect to look more like Avril Lavigne; my thing before the not-goth phase (example: spikey haired look from earlier. My blend game was actually pretty decent, though).

Most of my looks turned out quite similar, merely consisting of mild variations of black waterline and use of colour on the eyelid. It wasn’t until some time in college when the black waterline finally graduated to the lash line on my eyelid where it belonged. Mascara was finally thrown into the daily routine. I didn’t wear eyeshadow much during college years and more practice came later, but I did some experimenting along the way. Unfortunately my eyebrows proceeded to get even worse during this time. There aren’t any photos here, but my first set of plucked brows were crazy thin too. I wish I had my 8th grade class photo. I recall looking completely absurd.

In high school and in college, I went through phases where I wore no make up at all, and there were a few points up until recently that could be deemed more masculine too. Even when I was young it was a thing for me, when deciding to wear boys clothes quite often and preferring their trends in general. Once I opted out of doing well at the end of my college course and parting ways with it (cue multiple excuses), I had plenty of time to play around since I also didn’t have a job, which sounds like the perfect time to shave off your eyebrows for the first time, right? Thankfully the phase was only a few months long, and I wanted to reshape my brows back then anyway. But I did meet the boyfriend’s family for the first time during this brief chapter in my life of questionable fashion choices…

Growing my eyebrows out remains an ongoing process after years of abusing tweezers, but it didn’t take long for me to look like I had brows again after shaving them, even though I stuck with the pencil-thin look as they grew in and for some time later. My collection of cosmetics that had accumulated was mostly drug store eyeliners and low quality cosmetics, much of it from those cheap sets that find their way to the market come holiday season, but it did the job well enough when it came to practicing, even without the perfect tools or knowledge of what I should be doing. As I cycled through hairstyles, learning more about colour and care and starting all over with a clean slate, my makeup became somewhat acceptable as well. I discovered the purpose of face powders and foundation and concealer, and began a daily full face makeup routine (with only face powder, liquid foundation and concealer came later on).

My first high-end cosmetics haul was through the shopping channel, after seeing a featured brand called IT cosmetics perform some demos and speak about their products. It was my first experience with foundation and concealer that was right for me with great application and coverage, as well as higher-end brushes. The eyeshadow palette was super neutral, as was the gloss. The mascara was the best I had tried up until that point. I didn’t really use the bronzer or blush kit. I was so proud though. I was able to practice how to look feminine and pretty in a more mature way, which was how I was trying to feel as my hair was growing back out and I was now properly into my 20’s.

Issues with adult acne led me to Sephora, where an extensive inventory of beauty commodities and tutorials bewildered and awaited trial. This was also around the time I began using social media more once again—Instagram mainly, and while I didn’t post frequently, I quietly used the platform for research on techniques, products, and brands alongside Sephora.

A contour palette, bright eyeshadow palette, and brow pomade (dipbrow, of course) were my must-haves in the beginning, and those have been my only palette purchases through Sephora so far, years later. To be honest, it didn’t take me long to become a bit underwhelmed by the quality of a few other smaller items purchased later on and shocked by the price points of many others browsing through online, so I went on my own way to discover what’s out there.

Instagram helped me find coveted indie brands, high end brands, and other common names in the industry, and I paid attention to what kept reappearing in posts of those I followed. I didn’t want to splurge right away, but in order to learn, something more versatile was needed. This was when I picked up some Morphe Brushes palettes and brushes after a lot of research into price point for quality and colour options. The matte palette was awesome for an amateur, but definitely not the best quality. While they still remain in looks for their wide colour range, I have since acquired the majority of Sugarpill’s pro pans and tend to reach for their bold hues more often, especially for full face and neck looks. If you ever want some recommendations or reviews or swatches on products I have or things out there, just ask! I definitely haven’t tried a whole lot but I tend to keep a little bit in touch with product reviews and what people are enjoying.

Many hours of looking into product types and purposes and finishes and consistencies later, and makeup became a talent through trial and error… and of course many of my saved pennies invested in what many consider a silly hobby. My collection was built over years with the intention of keeping it minimal, making sure it was versatile. With inspiration from those willing to share their own looks and techniques, paired with my own creative brain and knowledge of colour theory, along with the tools and products I’ve acquired that are good enough to put an attractive look together, I’ve learned a few tricks and have developed my own style.

When I first got into makeup, I never had proper lighting or a vanity. Early on, I would sit in the bathroom sink so I could get close enough to the mirror for detailed work, and later I just did it on my bed with a handheld mirror. When I moved out, a small TV table station developed on the far end of the couch in my living room (to be near natural light). About a year ago I upgraded to a desk to hold my collection that outgrew a tiny table and a small acrylic organizer, and also got a ring light, which has been great for application in a dreary, dark apartment unit. The setup has allowed me to do all sorts of looks a lot more comfortably, with everything I need organized and at my fingertips.

As this has come together, I realize I could go on about every aspect of my makeup journey, from general topics like better quality cosmetics to my first weird coloured lipstick or the types of false eyelashes and the differences in eyeshadow finishes and undertones, just like I can go on about the details of my relationship with body modifications. But this entry is already longer than I expected it would be, so I’ll keep it a little shorter this time and flood you with photos of my face instead. I know that’s all you’re ever in it for anyway, you pervs. As always, feel free to strike up conversation about this topic. I’m just an amateur self taught hobbyist who’s learned on their own, so I’d love to hear about products you love or your struggles with makeup, and feel free to ask about products I’m using in photos, or whatever else.

It is safe to say that I was never considered one of the attractive females by others growing up, especially not as I approached adolescence and couldn’t help but be drawn in to male fashion and alternative expression and making that a part of my personal style. And along with my more permanent modifications that came along the way, makeup looks were often heavily criticized and questioned, both by strangers in passing and those close to me. “Why would you want to look that way?” “You know it isn’t pretty, right?” “It’s just way too much!” “You don’t need all that!” As I grew older and away from sketching and creating work that hangs on walls, makeup became an art form and a hobby, feeding into that creative part of me that’s existed forever yet I could no longer seem to tap into quite the same anymore. I’ve learned to appreciate the abstract and be more in tune with what the visual contrasts and textures of hues evoke emotionally through less conventional looks, and manipulating and distorting features is just too much fun. Plus, it’s TEMPORARY, something people seem to have a hard time getting a grip on. Why would you want to be so damn boring and judgmental anyway?

Here’s a bunch of examples of day looks over the course of a few years that I wore in public, and yeah I know, all my selfies look the same.

Some more experimental stuff:

So I never actually got down to the point of the title of this entry; is makeup body modification? If more temporary things like cutting or colouring your hair or painting your nails can be considered for this category, then I suppose it’s possible that making yourself up to look like a goth panda or a hyper-feminine person or an alien could indeed be a form of body modification. The ability to so drastically change a person’s appearance in a completely temporary manner with fairly basic ingredients is pretty fascinating and incredible, though I can see the draw to more permanent options for daily wear. Is that why everyone is getting so heavily tattooed, to look like an alien, without the effort of makeup? I suppose my full bodysuit concepts wouldn’t need to consider any cover-ups, if that ever came across my mind. Maybe, in a more stable, decided future. But for now, I’ll enjoy semi-permanence, wishing I could justify spending hours making myself up to look like a humanoid on the regular.